I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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