Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
