oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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