We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
