Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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