theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
