You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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