Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
