Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
COCAINE IS GR8
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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