i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
