i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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