I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
