I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
