I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My liver just broke up with me...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
