I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
