i think my mom watched the whole time
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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