so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
