what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
