Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize