Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
