why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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