I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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