everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
