i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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