We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Couch. On fire.
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