thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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