In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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