And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
