Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
