if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too high and old for this...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
