I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
