he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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