Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
