I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
