if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
