why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
