I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
