Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
