she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
