this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
