I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
