listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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