Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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