I bet he comes in French.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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