Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
