I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
