Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize