dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my shit smells like andre
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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