But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize