Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
