I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
