Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
