i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
