I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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