No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
