I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
