we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
