she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need a beard to bite.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
