It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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