I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
