Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
