I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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