today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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