i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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