we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
