Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
