me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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