I'm gonna have a badass scar
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
