I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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