New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
