I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
