I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
