You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You are a booty call, not a friend.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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