she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
