Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize