I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ttyl tear gas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
