He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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